Illiterate
God has taken my strength and made it into my weakness. How is that for backwards?
One of my strengths and one of Phil's strengths is our language ability. I have spent decades of my life in undergraduate and graduate school learning to be more eloquent with language. I have taught students to express themselves accurately and eloquently, writing for the level of their readers. I love to talk about ideas, and I love to connect with others through talking.
But with French I speak like a 5-year old.
I have loads of compassion now for immigrants and children.
So I could just give up and let Phil, with his wonderful French, do all the talking. But there is no way I am giving up. We have been in France 2 1/2 months. I have spent a hundred hours in meetings listening to French that I barely understand--in sacrament meeting, in the temple, in Relief Society, in Sunday School, in missionary meetings, in Zoom meeting after Zoom meeting, in conversations everywhere.
Now I spend hours each week trying to learn French. I am at an intermediate level, which is quite good, I think.
But that means I understand almost nothing that anyone says to me. I can read fairly well, but I can't hear and distinguish what people are saying to me, and I am only OK at talking to people.
I am hoping I improve over the next few months. It takes so much effort to try to understand what is being said that I exhaust myself and fall asleep for a few minutes in every meeting.
What was it like to speak and listen with no effort? I hope to experience that amazing feeling again. In French.
In the meantime, I remain illiterate.
But before you feel too sorry for me, I should reveal that Phil and I just bought the "Amis du Louvre" annual pass.
Life is actually very good as a senior missionary.
You both ARE such a master of words! I have faith that will also be the case in French. I know of your strength and determination and perseverance. It will come. ❤️
ReplyDeleteMary, you are wonderful cheerleader. Thanks for your confidence in my future language abilities! Thanks for the encouragement.
DeleteI empathize with you! After serving in Japan for 18 months in my youth and returning as an adult, I still couldn't understand talks in church--especially when the speaker quoted from general conference. I don't think I will ever truly learn Japanese.
ReplyDeleteYour experience shows me that even someone who spoke a language in her twenties is not guaranteed to understand that same language in retirement. I admire your courage to serve where the language is really challenging (and reading it is even harder)!
DeleteI really admire immigrants who show up and put themselves out there to communicate. I have some new friends whose English seems at the level of your French. And I encounter non-English-speaking people regularly at work and wish I had wanted to learn Spanish earlier in my life. You are showing up like my friends are showing up. And you all are determined and brave. I bought some headphones to listen to more Spanish so I can learn and meet my friends with a small portion of the effort they put into communicating daily.
ReplyDeleteChantel, your response is typical of your magnificent empathy for others. You don't just nod your head acknowledging how hard something is--you jump in and try to improve your skills so you can help other people in their trials. Lots of admiration going your direction.
DeleteGrowing up, life was good for me. If I focused and put what was my typical, significant effort, I succeeded, be it academia, sociality, or athletics. Spirituality continues to be nearly always loaded with growing edges. However, being immerged in a Spanish speaking world on my mission and experiencing daily (hourly) failure dropped me into a Ph.D. program of humility while I was yet coming out of kindergarten. If there was a top to which I was to arise, I never saw it.
ReplyDeleteLori and I considered becoming in-the-city missionaries in Salt Lake so we went to a Spanish speaking ward to investigate. My first pursuit was to pull the women, senior missionaries aside and ask them how their missions were. Easily, their greatest challenge was attending a plethora of Spanish speaking meetings without understanding what was being said, including even Sacrament Services. Their husbands served happily--they served commitedly but I could tell that the end of their service could not come fast enough.
I admire your commitment not to give in but to learn the language. Fortunately, your gray cells are giftedly ample and your music sensitivilty good, (a key to be able to hear and reproduce sounds), so your paths to success will be found and well traveled, I'm sure. In the meantime, perhaps it will help to find a tasty piece of bark to bite on when it is especially difficult.
What do I know about Delys? She is like a ping pong ball loosed at the bottom of a lake full of growth. Eventually, she will work her way to the top! Que la force soit avec toi!
Hmmm, a ping pong ball, huh? OK, as you know about me, I am going to find a way to be able to understand this language. I do have a lot of determination. But I also am humbled by my inabilities. The 19-year-old missionaries who didn't now any French a year ago are speaking beautifully now. If they can do it, I can do it. Right? Many of the spouses who are not all ready fluent give up, but I will be able to serve much better if I can carry on a better conversation and understand what people are saying to me. So back to French lessons!
DeleteWell Delys, you have perfectly explained exactly how I have felt and how I now feel with my Spanish! And explained it even better than I ever could because of your gift for words and your depth of perception. I have recently found myself shaking my head with a bit of a smile that "my strength has become my weakness." It is humbling to not be able to express myself or help out as much because my Spanish is not yet up to it. I have decided to try to be braver and just talk more even though my Spanish will not be anywhere near perfect. My Spanish--and understanding of Spanish--is exactly at your level, so I have so much empathy for you and others in this situation. I attended a Sacrament Meeting yesterday where I could not understand much of anything that was being said--until Mark stood up and gave his testimony. At least I could understand him! He doesn't talk as fast:) It is rather nice to know I am not alone in this experience--and that we are both pushing through it!
ReplyDeleteDebbie, you have such an advanced understanding of language that you will learn Spanish faster than most people, I am sure. We both just need to hear our new languages spoken (slowly please) over and over so our ears will develop. I think it is possible for both of us. In the meantime, I am the one standing in the church foyer hoping no one comes to talk to me while Phil is not there. Pathetic.
DeleteAs a similarly committed, literate speaker, reader, and writer of English who has tried (and miserably failed) to develop commensurate skills in Spanish and French, I share your frustrations--but applaud you for continuing to work at it. Any progress, no matter how small or how slow, will be worth the effort. May the Lord bless you for wanting to give your all.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your encouragement. I think I am progressing, but the progress is so slow that I don't recognize it. I wonder if I could easily compare my abilities a year ago with my language abilities now. I would probably see the change better than my current ears can detect!
ReplyDeleteMy comprehension of spoken French is pretty good (but not 100% -- even after 50 years with the language). My Spanish is another story. When I attend a sacrament meeting or class in a Spanish-speaking ward, I would estimate I understand roughly 1/4 of what I hear. I can give a very polished talk in Spanish. The problem is that after the meeting people come up to me speaking Spanish because they assume I'm fluent -- and I understand just a fraction of what they're saying.
ReplyDeleteP.S.: Because you're in a French-speaking country and are at least intermittently immersed in the language, I'm sure you'll make rapid progress. I suspect a break through moment is coming soon.
Bruce, I can give a good talk in French too, and I can memorize parts of it, so it looks like it is just rolling off my tongue. Sadly, though, I can't understand what people say to me. I admire your jumping in and trying Spanish instead of just thinking, "Oh, I only do French." Spanish is so much more common in the United States.
DeleteI hope breakthroughs are ahead! We lived in Germany for 3 years, when I hadn't had much preparation in the language, pre-Duolingo, and our life didn't really give me an immersive experience: home with kids most of he day, interacting with their school and with the neighbors, shopping, paying bills; but English for church and army friendships. I got to about 3rd grade level by the time we returned home, and I'm remembering the language frustrations you are describing. I got pretty good at recognizing essential words. It was a different skill than eloquence, but still a rudimentary kind of challenge. Good luck! And, prayers for you both! And, I'm sure you'll enjoy your annual pass!
ReplyDeleteDianne, I am going for understanding essential words. I am really good at "Amen" so I open my eyes at the right time! Thanks for your encouragement. I hope to be at 5th grade level when we come home.
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